Disappointed .

Yeah, so there's a very long time that I doesn't appear by here. I really miss to write more in that blog, but somehow I don't feel like doing it. Just when i'm with inspiration and this isn't a easy thing to happen, even Be Turquoise is a bit lost 'cuz of that... I'm a bit (very) sad with some things, some persons and I just can't find a way to fix everything, seems like I have doing only crap with my life and my wishes.
Do you have feel like you're completely lost and doesn't have ANYONE to count with?

I have been feeling like this for a very long time and I don't know how to fix it.
You know, when you're always after someone there is a time that you get tired of doing this...

I am tired.
I am tired of you and you inconsistency. I am tired of having friends that doesn't do a fucking thing for me , not even a phone call. Not even a phone call. Sometimes I get jealousy about these things , but for who I am telling this? Haha, it's disgusting. How I have done everything to end up like this...
I'm really thinking in vanish...
No one will miss me ,r e a l l y.
Everyone had find new things to do and to spend time... I have find too, I will miss some persons, but what can I do?
No one cares about me.

No one gives a fuck of how I'm feeling bad.
I could be being harsh in some peoples , but I hope them doesn't mind about this , because I am only mad. When you're mad you say things you didn't wanted.

But I am sad of crying until sleep in the middle of the night, because I am all alone and no one cares about me.

Somehow, I manage to those things have been happened, but I keep thinking in the fact that I have did so many things for those people and now that I am in a hard situation not even a fucking person appears , it's very sad, but I am doing my things to get away from this feeling... I have been telling this, but until I have only said. Now I will start to act, and when you see that you've missed me, doesn't say that I didn't showed a sign.
I'm a tough person, I know. But I am like this, because I want to be, I know that , and I know I have to change, but If not even a single person cares about this, why I have to care? I am not caring anymore...

I can't rely on anyone's shoulders.

Guess I started to believe in this, but now I know that I am not wrong when I said once that  I needed to be by myself.
I only can trust in me... Not even always , but, anyway...

Sorry for saying that I don't have friends... You guys have did this with me first ... Not always by saying, but showing what you have done for others... And for me? Nothing.

Sometimes I think it was better if I haven't been born, or if everyone dies....

But this isn't going to happen , right?

I can not kill anyone... 

I am not happy with somethings I have done , I KNOW ALL these things, but I am human and I have the right of being wrong and to made mistakes.
Sorry for that, world. Theres nothing I can do to change what is done.

I am being really selfish rn, but this is how I am feeling, I have the right of being sad and disappointed.

I am very disappointed, with you, you , you and specially you.

Just saying In case of, you know,
I really start to act ;)

~

I am a mermaid
Surrounded by sand drops
Spilled into the sea of sorrow

My hair is not curled,
Is crushed by the harshness of the ocean waters
My friends from the sea will help me
Swim swim swim

Swim to the surface

Until my tail becomes legs

And a human being ,

I become.